How do I seat my family on top table?
Top Table Etiquette explained!
Etiquette implies the way something ‘should’ be done however when it comes to top tables, there are no rules! (whoo hoo!)
However, there are some very simple guides I can give you that will help make the decision on where and how you should seat your guests to make it so much easier (you’re welcome).
The first major elements to think about are:
The layout of the venue - You may have in your head that you are going to have the top table in a certain location within the dining room but make sure you run this past your venue first. This may not be physically possible with the space they have to work with
Maximum numbers - Find out exactly how many people you can have on the top table, be that a trestle table, round or semi circle
Family Matters - do you have divorced/separated parents, maybe nobody who takes the place of a Father or Mother in your life, this may affect how you choose your top table seating
Whilst it’s traditional to have your Chief Bridesmaid & Best Man on top table, stop and think about whether they would actually prefer to be sat with their own family/partner rather than on top table
Ok so let’s take a look at the traditional top table:
However… hold the line caller! Gone are the days when ‘families’ consist of Mum & Dad then the kids. Of course, we now have many more diverse families (yippee) consisting of legal and non-legal step parents, divorced parents, same sex parents, no mother/father figure, siblings who have raised you… the list goes on so if you are unsure on how to seat your family, think about this:
Traditional - if like above, you can and want to do this, brilliant! I’ve just sorted your table plan, congratulations!
Sweetheart Table - this is where as a newly married couple you may wish to sit together, on your own. As it’s your first meal together, you may wish to take this time out to reflect on the day and have a good old chin wag over a bottle of wine.
No family - choose to only have your nearest friends on the top table with you
Table Ownership - if you wish to have a sweetheart table, OR if you prefer to only have friends/ Chief Bridesmaid and Best Man etc, you may wish to officially invite your Mum/Dad/Step Parents etc to ‘host’ a table. Make a big deal of it and ask them to look after the table nearest to the top table which will have your ‘VIP guests’ on. It doesn’t really mean anything but it helps to give them a sense of ownership and made to feel special
Speed Connecting - like speed dating but for a newly married couple!! Ask your venue/caterers to put one spare blank seat on every table then at each opportunity you get, go to one of the seats for a catch up with that table, no more than a few minutes then work your way around the room. This way you get some ‘121’ time with that table and the guests sitting on there
Speakers only - only have anyone who is making a speech on the top table
Trestle Tables - to make the event less formal, ask your venue for long trestle tables, they are great for these occasions and look absolutely stunning!
Whatever you decide will be best for you and your wedding day, try not to get too wrapped up in deciding who sits where, everyone will have a good time regardless and if you are worried about what family members will say about your decision to not have them on top table, hire a planner… we are totally used to having awkward conversations on your behalf.
Good luck!
Contact Hayley
How to become less Wedding stressed in 6 easy steps
TIPS FROM ESSEX Wedding Planner
There are so many elements to overcome whilst planning a wedding and it’s meant to be one of the happiest times of your life, so why do you feel so stressed?!
I know fun and stress don’t usually go together but… I had so much fun talking about this subject. Make sure you catch up on my YouTube channel to find out how to become less wedding stressed HERE in just over 30 minutes!
If you don’t have time to watch or you just can’t stand my voice/face, here’s a real quick overview of the points!
There’s so much pressure from everyone about this being the most perfect day. It is, but there will also be many other ‘perfect days’. We put ourselves under a lot of stress and pressure (by the way, found a new name for this following a tongue tie… streshure - good right?!) and whether we accept that we feel that way is a different thing.
So, here’s how to avoid it.
1) Take a step back - easier said than done I know. Recently, I felt I was juggling a lot of plates having taken on a full time job during lockdown as well as running my own business, family, friends, course work, I was struggling. So take a bath, meditate, read, chill, whatever you need to do to relax.
2) Reassess - think about WHAT is stressing you out, what is causing these issues to escalate and become the catapult for making you feel that way. This is a journey you are taking, it’s a long ride so no wonder it can be tiresome. Fall back in love with your Wedding Planning.
3) Organise & Prioritise - If you are feeling like you are not organised, paperwork everywhere, everything out of date, this could be one of the catapults as to why you are feeling stressed. I have a budget planner you can request from me and it’s FREE! Prioritise everything, have a look at what you have and have not organised, there is a tendency to prioritise the ‘nice’ things to do. Treat it as a job and make sure you schedule in time to concentrate on planning for your wedding.
4) Set expectations - this is for you and others. Many couples make decisions based on peer pressure and this can come from outside sources, friends or family members? Whilst it may not be intentional, others have a vision on how they believe your wedding should look/be. By setting your own expectations, you will find it easier to manage other people.
5) Communicate - communication is key! If you are marrying someone who never gets involved with the planning (throughout the relationship), you have to have a level of acceptance of this. They won’t suddenly start planning when they are just not that way inclined. Sit down with your partner and have that discussion, set your expectations of each other. Have a plan of action and set out who is doing what.
5.1) (sorry, I snuck one in) - Do not argue. It’s not worth it.
6) Learn to say no - this happens a lot where you feel like you' can’t say no. I have an example, Mother in Law wanted to pay for the wedding cake, Bride and Groom helped choose the cake but the Mother In Law didn’t follow through and order the right colour. Turns out the Bride wasn’t happy about the MIL helping in the first place! So, learn to say no.
If you still want to talk, message me. I love to talk and apparently, I give really good advice!
Contact Hayley.
