How do I seat my family on top table?
Top Table Etiquette explained!
Etiquette implies the way something ‘should’ be done however when it comes to top tables, there are no rules! (whoo hoo!)
However, there are some very simple guides I can give you that will help make the decision on where and how you should seat your guests to make it so much easier (you’re welcome).
The first major elements to think about are:
The layout of the venue - You may have in your head that you are going to have the top table in a certain location within the dining room but make sure you run this past your venue first. This may not be physically possible with the space they have to work with
Maximum numbers - Find out exactly how many people you can have on the top table, be that a trestle table, round or semi circle
Family Matters - do you have divorced/separated parents, maybe nobody who takes the place of a Father or Mother in your life, this may affect how you choose your top table seating
Whilst it’s traditional to have your Chief Bridesmaid & Best Man on top table, stop and think about whether they would actually prefer to be sat with their own family/partner rather than on top table
Ok so let’s take a look at the traditional top table:
However… hold the line caller! Gone are the days when ‘families’ consist of Mum & Dad then the kids. Of course, we now have many more diverse families (yippee) consisting of legal and non-legal step parents, divorced parents, same sex parents, no mother/father figure, siblings who have raised you… the list goes on so if you are unsure on how to seat your family, think about this:
Traditional - if like above, you can and want to do this, brilliant! I’ve just sorted your table plan, congratulations!
Sweetheart Table - this is where as a newly married couple you may wish to sit together, on your own. As it’s your first meal together, you may wish to take this time out to reflect on the day and have a good old chin wag over a bottle of wine.
No family - choose to only have your nearest friends on the top table with you
Table Ownership - if you wish to have a sweetheart table, OR if you prefer to only have friends/ Chief Bridesmaid and Best Man etc, you may wish to officially invite your Mum/Dad/Step Parents etc to ‘host’ a table. Make a big deal of it and ask them to look after the table nearest to the top table which will have your ‘VIP guests’ on. It doesn’t really mean anything but it helps to give them a sense of ownership and made to feel special
Speed Connecting - like speed dating but for a newly married couple!! Ask your venue/caterers to put one spare blank seat on every table then at each opportunity you get, go to one of the seats for a catch up with that table, no more than a few minutes then work your way around the room. This way you get some ‘121’ time with that table and the guests sitting on there
Speakers only - only have anyone who is making a speech on the top table
Trestle Tables - to make the event less formal, ask your venue for long trestle tables, they are great for these occasions and look absolutely stunning!
Whatever you decide will be best for you and your wedding day, try not to get too wrapped up in deciding who sits where, everyone will have a good time regardless and if you are worried about what family members will say about your decision to not have them on top table, hire a planner… we are totally used to having awkward conversations on your behalf.
Good luck!
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