How do I seat my family on top table?
Top Table Etiquette explained!
Etiquette implies the way something ‘should’ be done however when it comes to top tables, there are no rules! (whoo hoo!)
However, there are some very simple guides I can give you that will help make the decision on where and how you should seat your guests to make it so much easier (you’re welcome).
The first major elements to think about are:
The layout of the venue - You may have in your head that you are going to have the top table in a certain location within the dining room but make sure you run this past your venue first. This may not be physically possible with the space they have to work with
Maximum numbers - Find out exactly how many people you can have on the top table, be that a trestle table, round or semi circle
Family Matters - do you have divorced/separated parents, maybe nobody who takes the place of a Father or Mother in your life, this may affect how you choose your top table seating
Whilst it’s traditional to have your Chief Bridesmaid & Best Man on top table, stop and think about whether they would actually prefer to be sat with their own family/partner rather than on top table
Ok so let’s take a look at the traditional top table:
However… hold the line caller! Gone are the days when ‘families’ consist of Mum & Dad then the kids. Of course, we now have many more diverse families (yippee) consisting of legal and non-legal step parents, divorced parents, same sex parents, no mother/father figure, siblings who have raised you… the list goes on so if you are unsure on how to seat your family, think about this:
Traditional - if like above, you can and want to do this, brilliant! I’ve just sorted your table plan, congratulations!
Sweetheart Table - this is where as a newly married couple you may wish to sit together, on your own. As it’s your first meal together, you may wish to take this time out to reflect on the day and have a good old chin wag over a bottle of wine.
No family - choose to only have your nearest friends on the top table with you
Table Ownership - if you wish to have a sweetheart table, OR if you prefer to only have friends/ Chief Bridesmaid and Best Man etc, you may wish to officially invite your Mum/Dad/Step Parents etc to ‘host’ a table. Make a big deal of it and ask them to look after the table nearest to the top table which will have your ‘VIP guests’ on. It doesn’t really mean anything but it helps to give them a sense of ownership and made to feel special
Speed Connecting - like speed dating but for a newly married couple!! Ask your venue/caterers to put one spare blank seat on every table then at each opportunity you get, go to one of the seats for a catch up with that table, no more than a few minutes then work your way around the room. This way you get some ‘121’ time with that table and the guests sitting on there
Speakers only - only have anyone who is making a speech on the top table
Trestle Tables - to make the event less formal, ask your venue for long trestle tables, they are great for these occasions and look absolutely stunning!
Whatever you decide will be best for you and your wedding day, try not to get too wrapped up in deciding who sits where, everyone will have a good time regardless and if you are worried about what family members will say about your decision to not have them on top table, hire a planner… we are totally used to having awkward conversations on your behalf.
Good luck!
Contact Hayley
Should I invite children to our Wedding?
It’s one of the hardest decisions you’ll make for your wedding so is it selfish to not invite your friends children?
There's nothing like a child's smile at a Wedding. The excitement, new surroundings, new friends to make, lots of running around... So why is it always such a controversial subject about whether or not you should invite your friends children to your special day?
I have experienced many different weddings, some with children in attendance, some without. Now in my experience, regardless on how well behaved a child is, the excitement is almost too much and I've sat through many ceremonies and speeches where the children have screamed the house down. So whilst you’re trying to exchange vows or give that well prepared speech, queue the parents ‘quietly’ rushing outside with their child to try and calm them down. Does it always work? No. Does the parent feel embarrassed? Sometimes. Do the happy couple mind? Er… sometimes actually yes.
If, as a guest, a couple invite you and your child/ren to the wedding, of course they have to expect the potential noise and excitement that child may have... They are children after all! Most parents do not mind being disturbed whilst eating, it’s expected as a parent right? But I’m sure most parents won’t turn down the opportunity to eat a nice expensive meal, in peace, accompanied with a few glasses of wine! (I feel I’m allowed to say this as I have two step kids so know whilst it’s our ‘job’ to look after our little ones, but I also appreciate a good meal in adult company every now and again)
If, as a couple, you are unsure whether to invite your friends children to your wedding, you need to consider a few very important things which may help you decide...
1) Can you afford it?
2) Do you WANT children at your wedding?
3) Are you prepared to provide entertainment for them? (they will get bored without this I'm afraid)
4) There is the potential to upset the parents if you don't invite their children (now I'm not saying that's a reason to add extra little feet to your day... But... It's something to take into consideration that you could upset a few people)
5) Actually, would the parents appreciate a day out of the house, just the two of them?
The best weddings I have managed is where the couple have arranged for childminders with entertainment to be in attendance. They will look after the little ones during key moments (like the ones they don't really understand or appreciate) like the ceremony and speeches but they are still such a big part of the day and everyone is happy!
I spoke to the wonderful Heidi & Denise from Wild Play and they had this invaluable advice about their services:
“Wedding days are just so special and it’s important for the Bride and Groom to know that all of their guests can relax and enjoy the occasion. However, keeping little ones occupied can be a challenge!
For people bringing small children this can be a worry; trying to enjoy grown up time with friends and family, whilst also keeping an eye on where their children are and what they are getting up to!
Here at Wild Play Ltd, we’re able to help.
We provide a bespoke service for couples wanting to include families on their special day. Whilst arrival drinks are being served and photographs are being taken, or even during the ceremony, we can keep children busy and entertained with a range of craft activities.
Heidi & Denise are both teachers, each with over 20 years’ experience. Heidi was also a Headteacher for 13 years. We established Wild Play Ltd in 2018 and are now a multi award winning company. We have full DBS checks, outdoor first aid and safeguarding training.
Our set up is child friendly and can be themed to tie-in with the style of the wedding...or you can go for something completely different! We work with our couples to provide exactly what they are looking for.
Our crafts are age appropriate, engaging and children take home everything that they have created.”
So there you have it, if you’re torn on deciding what to do, speak to your local childcare company or Heidi & Denise at Wild Play if you’re in the Suffolk/Essex area. Have a great wedding day (with or without children)!
Contact Hayley