Perfecting your wedding day timings
Just how important is adding structure to your wedding day?
I’m so lucky to have a regular feature with The Digital Wedding Fair over on Instagram where every Wednesday at 8.30pm, I have a slot with one of their hosts and we chat all things Weddingy! In my last LIVE, we talked about perfecting your order of the day, there was a lot of discussion around this subject with couples taking away so many ideas about how to get the most out of their day. That’s why I decided to write it all in a blog in case you missed it! I’ll warn you… there’s a lot to read, it might be my biggest blog EVER!
We spoke for an hour and could have gone on for longer so I’m going to break it down (even though there’s still a LOT here) because I do think it’s really important to get this right, I also think a lot of couples don’t even think about timings as they leave it to the wedding coordinator/manager at the venue to sort, but I’m here to tell you, it doesn’t need to be that way. I’ve managed many weddings and I couldn’t be more excited to pass my knowledge onto you about what I think will get you the most out of your wedding day, whilst also giving you food for thought…
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT WITH YOUR
MORNING PREPARATIONS
How many bridesmaids do you have that need to get ready?
Think about the look you are having, this could be anything from 30 minutes for a soft look with an easy hairstyle to 90 minutes for a more glam look with a more detailed up do
Do you need to travel to the stylist?
Are you having breakfast? (remember, nothing stodgy!)
Are the Groomsmen and Groom doing anything in the morning? Golf? Spa? Fresh Haircut?
Do you have to decorate the venue yourself? If not, what time can your suppliers access the venue? It’s all well and good creating that Pinterest perfect day but if your florist needs 3 hours but only has 1… #bigproblem
How many photographers do you have? 1 will take longer running between rooms for preparation shots, first glance, detail shots
Who is gathering everyone together for these shots? Your wedding coordinator will be getting the venue ready so this is where a planner can come in super handy and will always be one step ahead of the game
*My tip - Make sure you are ready a minimum of 30 minutes prior to the ceremony time
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT WITH YOUR
CEREMONY
Most ceremonies take up to 30 minutes (including the time to get to and from the ceremony room) unless there is a cultural element (Chinese/Jewish/Indian etc could take an hour or so)
Are you having readings? This can bump up the time a little but registrars are very good at sticking to the timings
Are you having a confetti shot? Your photographer should gather your guests immediately for this if you’ve not already done this walking down the aisle
*My tip - I like to give my couples 10 minutes together alone following the ceremony, it gives you time to gather your thoughts, have a well deserved drink and have a quick cwtch (that’s Welsh for cuddle in case you were wondering)
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT WITH YOUR
WELCOME DRINKS & CANAPES
Venues usually allow 1.5 hours for this time which is usually ample depending on how many welcome drinks you have purchased
Think about the time of year, if it’s Summer, guests will be very thirsty and enjoying the sunshine (more drinks) if it’s winter, you might want to think about selecting the hot drink option or adding on a tea/coffee/hot chocolate station
If you’ve supplied a free bar, guests will take advantage of this (and why not!) but it does make it difficult to find who you need when the photographer needs them for a shot (subsequently adding time onto the day)
Do you want to spend time with your guests? (of course you do!) It’s not uncommon for most of this time to be used up with your photographer getting some beautiful shots of you both so I’d always recommend extending this to 2 hours if you want time with them (you need to look at investing in more drinks and canapes if this is the case)
*My tip - Get entertainment for this time, your guests can get very bored whilst you’re being whisked around having photos done
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT WITH YOUR
WEDDING BREAKFAST & SPEECHES
Your wedding breakfast will usually take 1.5-2 hours depending on your guests (if you’ve got lots of elderly relatives or young children, it can sometimes add time on)
Are you having more than 3 courses, this can add on about 20 minutes per course (sorbet, cheese etc)
Things like smokers and hot weather can add time on, nipping out for a cigarette (wedding etiquette no-no) or popping out for fresh air in between courses
How many speeches are being done? Traditionally it would be Father of the Bride, Groom, Best Man and this would take around 30 minutes but. it is not uncommon for the Best Man to suddenly whip out a projector and do a 20 minute slideshow on the Groom as a child and hilarious stag moments - ask the Best Man to notify someone at the venue, in advance, if they intend on doing something like this
Are you handing out gifts? This ‘tradition’ is becoming less and less common with couples choosing to leave gifts in the families rooms instead with a cute note thanking them for their help
*My tip - Do not miss the opportunity to do a sunset shot with your photographer, even if you are in between courses, you will not get another chance for them to catch the most beautiful shots!
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT WITH YOUR
CAKE CUTTING & FIRST DANCE
Timings for this can vary depending on the size of the venue, it can be time consuming gathering everyone up, especially if by this point the Ushers and Best Men have had one too many bevvies!
Who are you dancing with? Mum, Dad, Closest person to you, lots of Brides like to do a Dad/Daughter dance and it’s quite common for the parents to do a dance too!
Are you doing a dance routine or even a flash dance?
*My tip - Cut the cake on the dance floor so it can be taken away and you can move swiftly into the first dance whilst everyone is in the same location
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT WITH YOUR
EVENING FOOD & FIREWORKS
Your food should only be out for 2 hours due to hygiene regulations so bear this in mind for evening guest arrival
Don’t eat too soon after your meal
If you are having fireworks, it takes time to gather everyone outside, you might want to provide blankets for everyone in the colder months if your venue are not providing them
*My tip - If you are having a band, make sure they are not starting at the same time your food goes out or your fireworks start
Finally… don’t forget to pre-order taxis / transport. You do not want to be sat in the bar with Uncle Phil until 4am who can’t get hold of any taxis and you feel bad about leaving him alone.
PHEW! I told you there was a lot and that wasn’t everything! It makes you realise how much there is that goes into a wedding day which is why couples hire me, to make sure that you, as a couple are fully taken care of whilst your wedding coordinator/manager, looks after everything on the venue side.
“Hiring a Wedding Planner should be about peace of mind over anything else”
For more information about how I can create a tailored timeline for your wedding day, contact me for a complimentary consultation.
Postponing or planning your wedding during lockdown
You CAN still plan your wedding during the Corona lockdown.
It’s everywhere at the moment isn’t it? Literally. The horrid Corona Virus that is taking and changing lives all over the world. I genuinely fully empathise because of course, we are ALL affected by it in one way or another. It is an extremely tense and stressful time for all of you that have your wedding booked in 2020, especially in the forthcoming months. I’ve spent time speaking to couples due to get married towards the end of this year and understandably, they are just as worried as nobody knows how long this pandemic will last for. #stayhome #bogoffcorona!
My work (I hate calling it work because honestly, it feels more like a hobby) continues as normal and nothing changes there apart from not being able to run the actual wedding day itself, however, if anyone is up for a virtual wedding, I’m totally up for that! I have a contact that has the facility to live stream the wedding out to all your friends, pretty cool in my opinion (and kinder on the purse strings)!
Currently, I am spending a lot of time assisting and supporting couples all over the Country on video chat and it’s been super beneficial for both of us, however there are a lot of wedding mojos suffering at the moment, but, not on my watch! I will not let this beat us! I know there are a lot of social media posts about staying positive and appreciating the little things in life but it is so true, what’s the alternative? Submit yourself into a vicious circle of negativity, become a full time recluse whose closest trip outside is when you’re twitching at the curtains at people going past?… You’ll never get married at that rate. Stay positive and let’s get planning!
So, if you’ve already booked your big day, should you postpone your wedding?
If you are due to get married within the next few months, my personal advice is yes, yes you should postpone. I’m sure you have already but, if not, I’d also strongly suggest that you speak to your venue asap, we are due another update from the government next week about lock-down and whether it will be extended (it’s looking likely) so you also need to speak to the registrars or church to see where they stand. Find out what their contingency plan is if lock-down just keeps carrying over week on week. Of course the frustration may be ‘but what if we come out of isolation the week before my wedding is/was due to take place’ - honestly, do you want to take the risk?
If you have already booked your wedding and you’re looking to postpone, the sort of questions you should be going through with your venue should be:
Are there any fee’s to change the date during this time (I’d also strongly recommend obtaining 2 to 3 different dates available to you, will they hold them for free whilst you check with all of the suppliers for their availability?)
Do you get to re-sample the wedding menu if you have now booked a different season, will there be a charge for this?
Once you have new dates the below points should then apply to every supplier you speak to.
If you move to another date that was cheaper/more expensive, will you receive a refund / additional invoice for the difference or will they do this at the original cost?
Will you receive a new contract for the new date/agreement?
Worse case scenario, if the Corona Virus is still active on your re-booked date, are you able to reschedule to yet another date (again, will there be a cost?)(we hope this will not be the case but, you need to be prepared and ask these questions.
If you have not booked your wedding, can you do it from home? Absolutely! Lots of venues are now offering virtual show-rounds which means you can view a venue from the comfort of your home. Of course, it is not the same as seeing the venue ‘in the flesh’ but… it will give you a good idea of the layout and will also give you an opportunity to speak to the staff who work at the venue trust me, they will appreciate the opportunity to showcase their venue to you at this time.
Image by Tai’s Captures
The same applies for all suppliers related to your wedding, a high majority of wedding suppliers are self- employed and will welcome the opportunity to speak with you over video chat about your big day (or text if video chat just isn’t your thing). They can then send you some quotes so you can get your teeth into something whilst we’re in isolation. Don’t let this time dampen your mood or use it as a reason to back-off with the planning - now is the time to hype it up!
Or maybe you’ll be looking to organise a quickie wedding as soon as this is all over, in which case, I’ll be ready and waiting for your call to help you with this.
Keep your eyes peeled on my Instagram as I am hosting an Instagram LIVE with some top wedding industry professionals who will be offering their expertise and advice on what to look out for when booking for their specialism. This is super handy and can help you avoid having to call a number of different suppliers, wasting valuable time and money. I also have a real-life Bride coming on to talk about her experience with postponing their wedding so make sure you follow me on Instagram for further updates!
Now we must come together, to stay apart.
Contact Hayley
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A Suffolk Barn Styled Shoot
BY SUFFOLK WEDDING PLANNER AMAE EVENTS
Last year when I created Amae Weddings & Events, the first thing I wanted to do as a Wedding Planner was create a styled shoot, well... drum roll… the results are here for you to see and I couldn’t be any more excited (lets out a little squeal!)
Firstly, I had to choose a Venue (we all know how difficult this can be right?)... I really wanted to find somewhere that I could step away from the typical ‘rustic’ look that is very poplar in barns. Although I do love the rustic look, I really wanted to inject a more contemporary feel into the shoot to prove you don’t have to go ‘full on rustic’ just because it’s a barn.
I researched a lot of venues but Copdock Hall in Ipswich, Suffolk were an absolute dream to deal with. Having managed venues, I know what goes into keeping a venue afloat and I found Copdock Hall to be extremely open minded, customer focused and so passionate about weddings (and just generally really nice!). I LOVE a barn venue and so for me, Copdock Hall was the perfect setting for the shoot.
It’s a stunning Grade II Elizabethan brick barn with this beautiful vibe, when you arrive at the Barn, the quaint Parish Church of St Peters sits comfortably in your eye-line, it’s a very short walk from the hall right next to Copdock Halls Vineyard (I know right, can you imagine working next to a vineyard? There’d be no wine left!). Then as you step inside the barn, the first thing you notice is the marvelous high roof and gorgeous beams stretching from one side to the next. It also has these quaint little windows that really compliment the architecture.
Picture Credit: Dominic Whiten
Next was carefully selecting the suppliers to work their magic. I chose people who I trust and know how to achieve the best look possible, it was important to me that we were all ready to work as a team and collaborate on this shoot to bring my vision to life, exactly how it would be on your wedding day.
Dominic Whiten - An amazing photographer that I have worked with for years, I felt it was important to have someone that the whole team felt comfortable around. Dominic has this amazing ability to get the best out of people and also stay calm even at the toughest of times, it’s one of his strong points, he’s like Superman without a cape!
Capturedit Films - Emran and I are new to working with each other but one thing that strikes me about him is his passion for the wedding industry and drive to make sure only the best memories are recorded, he is so discreet but somehow manages to capture the most amazing footage whilst being completely in-obtrusive.
The Bridal Lounge - Charlotte and I started working together back in 2014 and her personality is just one you cannot forget, she has this ability to make you feel so precious (which is what you need trying on the most important dress of your life right?!) Her dresses are beyond perfect and I will 100% be buying one from her in the future (even if it is just to do the shopping in!)
For this shoot Charlotte supplied the most exquisite dresses from Stella York and St Patrick. With the unmistakable Stella York dresses, 2 came with a minimalist look but with a timeless modern twist, the other, a modern, high halter neck with a feminine and curvy silhouette, while the St Patrick dress provides a flattering plunge bodice with classic cap sleeves and beautiful lace detail.
Helen Newman Florist - I’ve also worked with Helen since 2014, an extremely professional and knowledgeable florist who has this amazing eye for detail, her flowers have always looked like a lot of love goes into them so she was definitely my first choice for the shoot. Again, Helen is one of those people you instantly feel comfortable around, a must have when you’re organising your wedding.
Helen’s great eye for detail meant we had a mixture of (to name but a few) lush Hydrangea’s, Anemone, White Lisianthus, Phalaenopsis and even pampas grass which really added a whole new twist to the shoot, I’ve not seen anyone use this combination of flowers before, we love to try new things and it really paid off!
Amelies Kitchen - Helens cakes are nothing less than perfection, I have never seen her make anything ‘mediocre’ and I have no idea how she does it (I’m sure there’s more to it than chucking a few eggs, flour and milk in a bowl right?). Helen’s ability to match details of your wedding day to the cake is phenomenal and with her own stencils, she is able to create the most beautiful displays.
Helen created a bespoke tiered cake for this shoot adding blush grey and pink hues, she hand crafted the most perfect sugar roses (you would think they are real flowers!)
Ivory & Craft - Katie first caught my eye when I followed her on Insta (yes, I’m down with the kids!) I was instantly a fan of her work and our relationship has blossomed since. I knew I had to have Katie designing the stationary and boy, she didn’t let me down. I really pushed the limits and even made some (very) last minute changes, she was just like ‘Yeah sure, no problem’. This girl knows her stuff and is so lovely to work with!
Katie and I exchanged so many ideas for this shoot but we finally settled on a more contemporary feel focusing on the blush pink and grey theme for our main look. The fonts were simply perfect for what we were trying to achieve and look great in the paler shade of pink. Katie also created some stunning stationary with cute floral detail underneath a velum wrap, simply gorgeous!
Makeup by Faye Neill - I met Faye about 3 years ago when I hired her to make me beautiful for a wedding I was going to and I have used her since, she is also a regular at the stunning Gosfield Hall and is so popular with Brides for creating a fresh, polished look & enhancing your features. She is just beyond lovely and makes you feel so relaxed in her presence, a true beaut.
For Clare, Faye created a modern bridal look, fresh, clean and detailed whilst for Tegan, a Hollywood glam look, winged eyeliner with stunning red lips to complete the look.
Carly Williams Hair - if you can’t have the one and only Carly Williams, who else even is there? Carly’s style is unmistakable and with her vast experience, knows exactly what style looks best on you. She is so funny and easy to be around so it was a no-brainer to have her with us.
For Clare, Carly styled a dreamy ‘messy’ textured up-do with delicate pieces of hair hanging down along the front and back, in look two, it was transformed into a higher bun up-do creating added height to match the traditional St Patrick dress & show off the pretty lace back.
On Tegan, the most stunning Hollywood glam wave which totally complimented Faye’s work on the make-up.
JF Styling - One of a kind James is taking the styling industry by storm currently, in demand for his ability to visualise any request and transform it into reality - he’s like a walking Pinterest. He and his team work tirelessly and have access to some of the best, current on-trend products on the market.
James provided a range of different materials, colours, textures, crockery and cutlery for the shoot, I really could not have done it without him.
True Nature Events - Have you seen Jordan’s wooden tables and chairs?! I knew we had to have these as part of the shoot, I felt they would really enhance the beautiful brick barn and the look I was hoping to achieve and they looked absolutely amazing.
Coes - have been nothing but supportive and have been great to deal with. They have a broad range of suits that include Day Suits, Tail Suits, Wedding Suits, Edward and Albert Frock Coat Suits and Nehru Suits so it was easy to find a suit that would look good on the shoot.
Models: Clare, Nathan and Tegan are personal friends of mine so rather than using professional models, I wanted to show the true beauty in my friends and they did not let me down, gorgeous happy smiley people!
So there we have it, date set, team complete, plans organised, mood boards sorted, endless meetings had, numerous emails and group chats, 3 months later the following look was achieved and I could not be any more proud of the team that made this possible…
If you’ve read this far you’re in for a treat with my bonus bits!… I really wanted to create more than just one look to show the range of styles that can be done on your wedding day. With help from James at JF Styling, we sat and discussed in length what I wanted to do and how we were going to do it.. James has access to some of the most amazing product range I have ever seen, so picking and choosing which looks to go for was made so much easier with his expertise. In the end we managed to achieve 5 different looks in total on this shoot!! The team did an immense job & pulled together to create some exquisite looks, so here is a snapshot before they get released on social media (you lucky things, you!)…
For any help or support planning your wedding or event, contact Hayley
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Time to choose your Bridesmaid squad...
How do you select which of your besties are going to lead you down the aisle?
I planned a Wedding once where there were 10 Bridesmaids and I’m going to tell you about my experience with this from the Brides perspective.
I met the Bride to go through all the details of her special day with her hubby to be, she had a large wedding and I could tell she was really popular, she had all the trademarks of someone with a lot of friends. I remember her telling me she was torn about who to ask to be in her squad as she has so many friends, she didn’t want to upset anyone, plus there was that one time she was a Bridesmaid for someone who she hadn’t even considered to be a close friend so that was a huge shock, should she reciprocate?
@srosinger3997 on Unsplash
In the end she chose her 10 Bridesmaids, she’d ended up falling out with one of the girls otherwise it would have been 11 (odd number anyway so probably a blessing in disguise lets face it). Now, one of the downsides to choosing this many friends was that they were from different ‘groups’ so some of the girls didn’t know each other that well but the Bride felt a sense of loyalty to each of them as individuals. There was also a couple of girls that did not get on very well, something about one of them dating one of their exes and it’s just been tense ever since (would love to be a fly on the wall at that Hen do!)
Fast forward to the big day… I always visit the bride regularly throughout the morning as I know how stressful that time can be, everything is coming to fruition, reality has kicked in, everyone is getting under everyone else’s feet (whilst I’m on that subject, for the love of your sanity… please make sure you choose a venue with ample preparation room for you and your troop!), you’re hot, excited, nervous… so if I can, I like to take you to one side and just breathe…’Are you ok'?’ the bride broke down in tears, not only was she competing with all the above, her Bridemaids were all trying to rule the roost (from the goodness of their hearts to try and take pressure off the Bride) but this just made things worse, 10 girls trying to talk over each other, make decisions about what needed doing (even though this was all sorted between the Bride and myself well in advance), tensions were high between the two girls who didn’t get on that well, it was not a good a combo.
The Bride and I agreed that I would move the Bridesmaids to her mum’s room as she just needed some time to relax and absorb the experience rather than feeling like she was trying to herd cats - I sat with the Bride for a little while and just chatted, reassured her that everything was fine in the venue, everything was organised and going to plan, suppliers were present, the cake looked amazing and her hubby-to-be was very calm and excited to see her. At this point I handed her a gift and a card that he had asked me to pass onto her, I left her alone for this moment and returned a few minutes later. She had the BIGGEST smile on her face and felt a lot more composed, she was now excited rather than anxious and stressed! Yay!
I took some time with the Bridesmaids, explained to them that everything was in control and that they could just relax and enjoy the experience too but that the Bride just wanted some time alone (I think they knew they were not helping with her stress).
The Bride had the most amazing day and the best part was seeing the Bride dancing with her crew at the end of the night and in her words ‘I wouldn’t have changed a single thing’.
@srosinger3997 on Unsplash
My point is this, you will always choose the right people, you know your girls (or even guymaids) and you know which ones you want there to witness your big day with you. They may not all get along, they may disagree on the Bridesmaids dresses and ‘make’ you swap them 7 times before they’re all happy, they may even argue on the day, but… they are your squad and you love them beyond words. Ever watched Bridemaids? Happy endings despite a turbulent build up!
If you’re still a little stuck with who to choose, try following my handy 5 step rule below…
Speak to the family first, you need to establish out of your immediate relations who will be chosen to be MOH/Bridesmaid/Flower Girl etc
Time to be a bit selfish with your selection, just because you have known someone for 20 years (or if you were Bridemaid at the their wedding), does not quantify them being in your squad, you really need to knuckle down and establish your true friends here
Remember that each Bridesmaid will be given duties on the lead up and on the day itself, you LITERALLY need to trust these girls 100% with your planning process and wedding day
Speak to your Fiance, this may well be your choice about who to have on the day but, your Fiance will usually offer some practical, honest and thought provoking advice
Hire a Wedding Planner who will be able to have any awkward conversations with the family/wedding guests/bride/grooms party. Trust me, we are used to it and it takes so much pressure off from you
Once you’ve sorted the above, it’s time for the fun part of announcing who you have chosen. Just make sure you’ve got that Champagne on ice!
Good luck! I’d love to hear how you narrowed down your selection and any top tips you have…
Contact Hayley
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Wedding Guest Etiquette
How should you behave at someone’s wedding?
You knew they’d gotten engaged and in the back of your mind, you knew you’d get an invite to their wedding, after all, it’s not a party if you’re not there right?
Regardless of whether the couple have gone with a traditional wedding, there’s certain things that you must do as a guest, be that because it’s simply common courtesy or because you just can’t behave the same way you did on the Ibiza stag do (what happens in Ibiza *should never be repeated anywhere else, ever*…)
@kalvisuals
These useful tips may sound a bit harsh but trust me, having seen these things happen with my own eyes in my career as a Wedding Planner, it’s for your own good and you’ll thank me later. So yes… all of these horror stories have actually happened…
Invitations - the couple are already under a lot of pressure to get everything sorted in time. The last thing they need is to be chasing you for your RSVP
Don’t be offended if you didn’t get a +1 invite or an invite for the children. Weddings are expensive and this is the couples money, not yours
Food options and dietary requirements - the couple have given you a deadline date for a reason and of course the caterers will do what they can but you risk ‘getting what you’re given’ if you don’t reply on time. Also, don’t expect to turn up on the day and decide you’d ‘forgotten’ to let them know you suddenly turned Vegan last month
Don’t criticize - the couple have to make a lot of choices surrounding their wedding day, the last thing they need is negativity surrounding the decisions they made for special day, they’ve chosen them for a reason and whilst it may not be your cup of tea, it’s not your wedding day
Gifts - couples are more and more likely to ask for cash on their wedding day now and that is their prerogative. They are spending enough money on you attending so please honour their wishes and take point 3 into account but bear in mind, you don’t need to spend a lot if you are buying a gift, something homemade will probably mean more than something bought
Girls - do NOT wear white. It’s a well known fact you ‘cannot’ wear white to someone’s wedding (unless you want a death stare from the Bride!)
Bridesmaids - Don’t post a picture of the ‘beautiful bride’ in her dress, on her wedding day, BEFORE SHE’S EVEN WALKED DOWN THE AISLE!! No no no no no
Timekeeping - Do not be late! Coming from the mouth of experience (huge oopsie!), turning up late to a wedding is a huge no-no. Obviously there are some circumstances that cannot be avoided but either way, it does not look good if you are walking in as the couple are saying their vows (especially when it’s captured on video)
Spotlight - no matter what, under no circumstances should you use this platform to propose to your other half or announce a life changing event, this is not your day! (unless you have the approval from the happy couple!)
Behaviour - I’m all for people having fun at weddings, heck, twerk on the dance-floor if you must (I’m just jealous as I can’t do it) but… do not get so drunk that you become the talk of the day. It may be funny but there is a fine line between being drunk and showing up the happy couple - trust me, I have many horror stories about this one
Property - understand that if you cause damage to any property of the couples chosen venue, that this will be paid for by them. The last thing you need is to fall out with the couple because they are lumbered with a bill for damages you caused
Don’t try and seduce the brides mum (or dad!)… I don’t need to say any more on this matter
If you’re going to argue with your partner… leave it until you get home. It’s not the time of the place for negative vibes!
Last but not least. don’t forget to book a cab. The bride and groom will invite certain guests to stay at the venue, if you’re not on the accommodation list, they will not be pleased to find you sleeping on the sofa downstairs with a cushion as a blanket.
You’re welcome! Now…Enjoy the wedding!
Contact Hayley
@thomasw
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Wedding planning leaving you overwhelmed?
How do you stop getting so stressed out with your wedding planning?
Picture this, you are in a relationship. An amazing, happy, great relationship (despite their annoying habit of leaving the bathroom door open whilst they’re in there! - please tell me I’m not alone here…). You know you want to marry this lush human, because when you know, you know, right? You fantasize about your special day and have even set up a cheeky little private Pinterest board to start gathering ideas (and it looks sooooo pretty). Then one day, they pop the question! (Squeal!) Your dreams are becoming a reality and you can’t wait to get planning your big day! Everyone is so excited for you both!
So you google ‘How do I start planning my wedding’ and up pop 543,000,000 results. WHAT THE?! Each website tells you a different thing, one is telling you to buy your dress first, the other, sort the venue out. There’s a thousand downloadable spreadsheets so which one should you choose and you hear yourself saying ‘I’ve never done this before?!’. Then there’s the budget… you don’t have any money saved and have even talked about buying a house together recently so which one takes priority ?! (er, wedding btw) You start getting quotes and it all seem’s so expensive, how on earth are you going to afford this Pinterest perfect wedding day?! You don’t even know if you want to get married in this country, ah but Uncle Bob needs to be there and he doesn’t travel well and you won’t marry without him there, then the venue you’ve had your eye on won’t work because it doesn’t have a lift to accommodate your wheelchair bound cousin!! Your future mother-in-law keeps trying to convince you to up-cycle her wedding dress as it would' ‘mean so much’ to her but that’s not what you want, you’ve already got your eye on that Stella York dress you’ve fallen in love with (can’t she just BACK OFF, you mutter under your breath… this is OUR wedding day!).
Work is getting more and more demanding, social commitments are increasing, you’ve got an endless to-do list and it’s just relentless. Then comes the question from your friends (every SINGLE time you speak) ‘So, how’s the wedding planning going!?!’. You say calmly ‘Yeah fine, still a bit to sort but we’re getting there’ in reality, you’ve checked 7 of the 543,000,000 google search result, confirmed zero suppliers and actually the thought of sitting down and sorting something seems miles away and not something you envisage doing any time soon. Your other half is losing their patience as all you do is talk ‘wedding’ and now you’re getting frustrated with them because their not taking an interest in your beautiful, special and romantic day. Still, you smile and pretend everything is okay but you don’t want to be seen as ‘stressed out’ or unreasonable.
Ok firstly… stay calm. I’ve got you. It’s not your fault for getting overwhelmed, you’ve probably not done this before so if I asked you to go and do something you have no experience in, of course it’s going to be stressful, this is why we hire professionals to do the things we can’t do well ourselves, beauticians, chefs, pilots (a bit extreme but hey, I know I certainly can’t fly a plane!). Wedding Planning is NO different.
Here’s 5 quick tips to help you remain calm:
Respect the fact that some things are out of your control, don’t stress over it. Find a solution and move on
Take regular breaks with the planning process when you do start, it’s easy to spend a whole lunch break simply googling a local photographer (then you realise you didn’t eat your food and the stress starts all over again!)
Stop trying to appease everyone else. If you want someone’s opinion, you’ll ask for it (and don’t be afraid to tell them that, in a non aggressive way of course)
Don’t over stretch your budget. If the money is not there, it is not there. Unless you’re planning on getting a second job to help fund the wedding, don’t spend money you don’t have
Hire a wedding planner, easy solution, extremely effective problem solver and could even save you money!
After checking my testimonials, have a look at my services (aka problem solvers!) and let’s sit down, over a coffee and I’ll guide you through what you should and should’t be doing to ensure you have a blissful wedding planning adventure!! It really doesn’t need to be stressful, I promise.
Photo: D&A Photography
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Grooms matter too
What importance does a Groom have on a wedding day?
Men. Let’s face it, like it or not, Brides tend to get the spotlight when it comes to the big day, and if you ask me, I don’t think it’s fair (sorry ladies). If a marriage is seen as an equal partnership, then so should your journey be in the lead up to it and on the day itself (and of course afterwards).
Now I totally get it, some men are happy to not get involved and are satisfied with whatever the Bride wants, I’ve heard it a million times ‘as long as she is happy, then I am happy’.
Believe it or not, there is an increase in the number of Grooms taking the steering wheel when it comes to the planning and plenty of brides’s taking the back seat. But, what if you are in a same sex relationship where you’re both a groom, or the Groom of a Bride who does actually want to get involved with the planning?…
To get a couples opinion on the matter, I spoke to the wonderful couple Jay and Liam who got engaged on Christmas day, and I’ve loved following their wedding planning journey. Whilst their Instagram page is no longer active, their old blogs are so funny to read so make sure you check them out here, they’ve also featured on the ultimate wedding guide for LGBTQ+ couples G Wedding Directory…
“On Christmas morning, I said yes to my new Fiance, Liam, and now we are two grooms planning our wedding together. We’ve found that the wedding industry is geared towards the bride, and the grooms are very often secondary. That’s obviously in response to the fact that it is usually the bride attending the wedding fairs and doing the planning - but we don’t have a bride. So we’re sharing the planning reigns... and thankfully we have very similar preferences and ideas! I enjoy the wedding fairs and the brochures, so Liam leaves it to me to collate the ideas and gather the options. Then we work through and decide what we like best. We’ll both be viewing our venue choices and making all of the decisions together, though Liam is in charge of the ceremony and the music and I’m in charge of the decorations and the finer details. So that’s our plan; two grooms sharing the responsibilities and decision making. In our case, only the grooms matter!”
So Grooms, do you want to be involved in the Wedding Planning process?
Grab a pen and paper (or iPad if you’re not old school like me!)
Take an interest - sit down with a bottle (or glass if you don’t drink as much as I do!) of wine one night, no social media, no radio, no TV… go through the plans and ideas so far, don’t fake being interested, your Fiancé will be able to tell!
Get involved - express an interest in whatever element of the day that you would like to manage, it could be you want the responsibility of sourcing the entertainment, flowers or building something for the day (drinks station, welcome signs etc)
Take initiative - if your Fiancé comes across like he has it all in hand, I can assure you it will still be stressful at times for them and they would appreciate some help, especially from you. Do some research and offer to gather some quotes.
Compromise - You are not going to agree on every detail for the big day but it’s important you both compromise, the day is about you BOTH.
Be happy - if you don’t want to get involved but your Fiancé wants your assistance, just put a smile on your face, nothing ruins the happy engagement bubble like a groom-to-be with a face like a slapped fish!.
On the flip side, if you really don’t want to be involved and are sincerely, genuinely happy for your Fiancé to plan everything, just make sure you’re ready for whatever turns up on the wedding day, like a pink Unicorn dressed horse and a ‘Cinderella’ carriage to drive you around in whilst blasting out Celine Dion’s My Heart will Go On (unless you’re into that sort of thing…)
Let me know how you get on with your planning!
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You don't NEED a Wedding/Event Planner
but how does a wedding or event planner organise your event?
You are absolutely right, you certainly don’t NEED a planner, thousands of people plan their wedding or event without a hitch, but… what I’m going to talk you about is why you should WANT a planner; your time is precious
I’m going to give you a scenario; when I was younger and I wanted to book a holiday, I’d go into a local Travel Agents and they would do it all for me (or I’d check Teletext holidays!) it was easy, they knew what they were doing, they’d even been to some of the locations I wanted to visit and were able to give first hand information on the location - perfect! They even made sure I got the best price and stuck to my budget. Then in came the DIY holiday packages, now don’t get me wrong, these are amazing, I love sitting there for hours and hours planning my own holiday, researching where to go and what to do, where to avoid and for some reason, I always like to research what the locals wear (don’t ask!)
But… this all comes at a cost, my precious time, my money, my patience, sometimes even my sanity. The worst thing is, I’ve travelled to some places and then discovered when I got home that someone I know had already visited and could have recommended the BEST restaurant on the island (that I ironically did not visit!).
My point is this, anyone with organisational skills can plan a wedding or event but wouldn’t you feel so much more comfortable hiring a professional who has unlimited experience managing weddings and events and can recommend the best ways to run the celebration, minus the stress. After all, we’ve experienced the hiccups, the power cuts, the suppliers not turning up, the family arguments… and luckily for you, we know exactly how to handle them.
“If I cry at my wedding it’s because I’m overjoyed that the planning is finally over”
Planners are extremely useful if you are planning a last minute wedding or event, trying to fit it all in is just too much and actually, not everyone is good at planning or event wants to plan their own event. There are also times when there are family conflicts and the thought of making decisions with fear of backlash is just daunting. Hiring a planner gives you the ability to ‘pass the buck’ - we don’t mind having difficult conversations with family/friends if we know something is important to you.
Bringing a planner in from the very start of your planning process means you get to work closely with them, they will get to know you and they will get to know what you like and don’t like. We are all extremely busy people and it is very difficult setting time aside to plan your wedding or event to perfection, the reality is you won’t understand how much time, effort and money goes into planning an event, especially if this is your first time, that is why I am here to support you. Make sure you check my amazing testimonials!
Regularly working with the best suppliers in the area means I am able to negotiate on costs for you, so if I am able to save you money, I will - this could then be put towards the costs of my services.
Specifically your wedding day should exude peace, love, calm and romance (oh and lots of FUN!), just don’t take the risk of things going wrong, get in touch for a FREE consultation and I can get to know you better and understand your vision and goals, I can’t wait! Let’s get planning!
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