Time to choose your Bridesmaid squad...
How do you select which of your besties are going to lead you down the aisle?
I planned a Wedding once where there were 10 Bridesmaids and I’m going to tell you about my experience with this from the Brides perspective.
I met the Bride to go through all the details of her special day with her hubby to be, she had a large wedding and I could tell she was really popular, she had all the trademarks of someone with a lot of friends. I remember her telling me she was torn about who to ask to be in her squad as she has so many friends, she didn’t want to upset anyone, plus there was that one time she was a Bridesmaid for someone who she hadn’t even considered to be a close friend so that was a huge shock, should she reciprocate?
@srosinger3997 on Unsplash
In the end she chose her 10 Bridesmaids, she’d ended up falling out with one of the girls otherwise it would have been 11 (odd number anyway so probably a blessing in disguise lets face it). Now, one of the downsides to choosing this many friends was that they were from different ‘groups’ so some of the girls didn’t know each other that well but the Bride felt a sense of loyalty to each of them as individuals. There was also a couple of girls that did not get on very well, something about one of them dating one of their exes and it’s just been tense ever since (would love to be a fly on the wall at that Hen do!)
Fast forward to the big day… I always visit the bride regularly throughout the morning as I know how stressful that time can be, everything is coming to fruition, reality has kicked in, everyone is getting under everyone else’s feet (whilst I’m on that subject, for the love of your sanity… please make sure you choose a venue with ample preparation room for you and your troop!), you’re hot, excited, nervous… so if I can, I like to take you to one side and just breathe…’Are you ok'?’ the bride broke down in tears, not only was she competing with all the above, her Bridemaids were all trying to rule the roost (from the goodness of their hearts to try and take pressure off the Bride) but this just made things worse, 10 girls trying to talk over each other, make decisions about what needed doing (even though this was all sorted between the Bride and myself well in advance), tensions were high between the two girls who didn’t get on that well, it was not a good a combo.
The Bride and I agreed that I would move the Bridesmaids to her mum’s room as she just needed some time to relax and absorb the experience rather than feeling like she was trying to herd cats - I sat with the Bride for a little while and just chatted, reassured her that everything was fine in the venue, everything was organised and going to plan, suppliers were present, the cake looked amazing and her hubby-to-be was very calm and excited to see her. At this point I handed her a gift and a card that he had asked me to pass onto her, I left her alone for this moment and returned a few minutes later. She had the BIGGEST smile on her face and felt a lot more composed, she was now excited rather than anxious and stressed! Yay!
I took some time with the Bridesmaids, explained to them that everything was in control and that they could just relax and enjoy the experience too but that the Bride just wanted some time alone (I think they knew they were not helping with her stress).
The Bride had the most amazing day and the best part was seeing the Bride dancing with her crew at the end of the night and in her words ‘I wouldn’t have changed a single thing’.
@srosinger3997 on Unsplash
My point is this, you will always choose the right people, you know your girls (or even guymaids) and you know which ones you want there to witness your big day with you. They may not all get along, they may disagree on the Bridesmaids dresses and ‘make’ you swap them 7 times before they’re all happy, they may even argue on the day, but… they are your squad and you love them beyond words. Ever watched Bridemaids? Happy endings despite a turbulent build up!
If you’re still a little stuck with who to choose, try following my handy 5 step rule below…
Speak to the family first, you need to establish out of your immediate relations who will be chosen to be MOH/Bridesmaid/Flower Girl etc
Time to be a bit selfish with your selection, just because you have known someone for 20 years (or if you were Bridemaid at the their wedding), does not quantify them being in your squad, you really need to knuckle down and establish your true friends here
Remember that each Bridesmaid will be given duties on the lead up and on the day itself, you LITERALLY need to trust these girls 100% with your planning process and wedding day
Speak to your Fiance, this may well be your choice about who to have on the day but, your Fiance will usually offer some practical, honest and thought provoking advice
Hire a Wedding Planner who will be able to have any awkward conversations with the family/wedding guests/bride/grooms party. Trust me, we are used to it and it takes so much pressure off from you
Once you’ve sorted the above, it’s time for the fun part of announcing who you have chosen. Just make sure you’ve got that Champagne on ice!
Good luck! I’d love to hear how you narrowed down your selection and any top tips you have…
Contact Hayley
***********************************************************************************
