How to savour your wedding day
My wedding day won’t go that fast... Will it?
I’ve been planning weddings throughout the East/South East of England for many years now and the one thing I stress to my couples is that the day is going to fly by faster than your guests heading to the free bar!
Do you know the first thing they say to me after the wedding day? ‘Wow, we really didn’t think it would go as fast as you said it would’
Let me give you an example… you plan a holiday (well, not exactly right now with Covid going on but you get where I’m going?) you spend months and months preparing; diets, clothes, skin care, beauty prepping, shopping, to-do lists, organising, the list goes on. Then BAM! You’re back home with nothing more than dodgy tan lines and a million selfies to show for your time away, oh and maybe a cheesy souvenir or two!
The exact same thing will happen on your wedding day and I’ll tell you why… you will literally forget to savor the day. But… there is a solution! Ta-dah!
Check out my top tips!
1) Don’t go into autopilot - I’m confident you have someone looking after you be that a Wedding Planner or a Wedding Coordinator. LET THEM TAKE THE STRESS AWAY, after all, we know weddings more than anyone else so leave it to the experts, we’ve got your back, I promise.
2) Prepare your build up - by this I mean make sure that the night before, you get organised. Don’t just say ‘Ah me and the girls/guys are just going to chill, have a bite to eat and chat’. Make sure you plan a healthy dinner, get an early night (set your bed time) and drink lots of water. I’d even go as far to say meditate or fall asleep listening to some hypnosis. Trust me, it works!
3) Have a good breakfast - as with the night before you do NOT want to be feeling sluggish on your wedding day, the last thing you want is for your dress or trousers to feel tight or your skin to feel all puffy. It’s not going to help. Have a continental breakfast but something filling that will keep you going until your canapes. Oats are a slow release energy source and are great for breakfast!
4) Get your timeline right - again, if you have a planner on board, they will have checked your timeline but, you want to make sure you know where you stand on the day… what time is your photographer getting there? What time will your make-up start? What time do you need to be ready by? What time will you give your Bridesmaids/Groomsmen their gifts? You will feel much better prepared and more likely to be able to savor the day if you know what’s going on
5) Have a ‘safe word’ - something I do is giving my Brides and Grooms a safe word. If I hear them use this word when talking to me, I’ll know they are finding it overwhelming and I whisk them off to a different room or I ask everyone to leave. This just gives them time to regather thoughts, have a chat in private with me or simply take a breather away from the hustle and bustle of the morning
6) Don’t sweat the small stuff - I promise you that the things you are stressing about, you will not even think about on your wedding day. However, if you are naturally anxious, be prepared and have a thorough to-do list for your planner so that nothing gets missed off. I regularly get given a list of ‘The card box needs to face 40’ south and 5 inches away from the signing book with the ballpoint pen facing diagonally next to it precisely half way down the book’ (maybe I’m slightly exaggerating)
7) Communicate with your photographer - you will probably spend as much time with your photographer/videographer as you do your new hubby/wifey. It is integral that you tell them how you are feeling. If you feel like there’s too many photos going on (and believe me, it can feel that way) be open and honest with them, they are there for you and will be able to support how you are feeling by coming up with an alternative suggestion
8) Jont git zoo drank - exactly. I love seeing everyone having fun but there’s drunk and then there’s druuuuuuuuuunk! Pace yourself or before you know it, the night will be gone and you’ll be left remembering nothing, nadda, zilch (apart from potentially falling off the table to Bon Jovi’s Living on a Prayer). Are you really spending all that money for a lash up?
9) Have no regrets - Make sure that you are 100% confident with your suppliers and that you don’t spend the whole day thinking ‘I really don’t like my make-up’ or ‘what the heck is that cake, that’s not what I ordered’. Get all your ducks in a row and don’t settle. Your suppliers are pulling your vision together so it’s (in my opinion) the most important part of the planning
10) Take time out - I always schedule time out for my couples, at various points in the day I allow them to spend some time alone together. It’s really important for you to see the fruits of your labour and just take a little drink together, savor the moment!
So there you have it, my vital tips to ensuring you can savor the day all gathered from my years of wedding planning experience! You’re welcome!
Good luck savoring your big day and for more useful tips, check out my other blogs or head over to my Instagram page.
Time to choose your Bridesmaid squad...
How do you select which of your besties are going to lead you down the aisle?
I planned a Wedding once where there were 10 Bridesmaids and I’m going to tell you about my experience with this from the Brides perspective.
I met the Bride to go through all the details of her special day with her hubby to be, she had a large wedding and I could tell she was really popular, she had all the trademarks of someone with a lot of friends. I remember her telling me she was torn about who to ask to be in her squad as she has so many friends, she didn’t want to upset anyone, plus there was that one time she was a Bridesmaid for someone who she hadn’t even considered to be a close friend so that was a huge shock, should she reciprocate?
@srosinger3997 on Unsplash
In the end she chose her 10 Bridesmaids, she’d ended up falling out with one of the girls otherwise it would have been 11 (odd number anyway so probably a blessing in disguise lets face it). Now, one of the downsides to choosing this many friends was that they were from different ‘groups’ so some of the girls didn’t know each other that well but the Bride felt a sense of loyalty to each of them as individuals. There was also a couple of girls that did not get on very well, something about one of them dating one of their exes and it’s just been tense ever since (would love to be a fly on the wall at that Hen do!)
Fast forward to the big day… I always visit the bride regularly throughout the morning as I know how stressful that time can be, everything is coming to fruition, reality has kicked in, everyone is getting under everyone else’s feet (whilst I’m on that subject, for the love of your sanity… please make sure you choose a venue with ample preparation room for you and your troop!), you’re hot, excited, nervous… so if I can, I like to take you to one side and just breathe…’Are you ok'?’ the bride broke down in tears, not only was she competing with all the above, her Bridemaids were all trying to rule the roost (from the goodness of their hearts to try and take pressure off the Bride) but this just made things worse, 10 girls trying to talk over each other, make decisions about what needed doing (even though this was all sorted between the Bride and myself well in advance), tensions were high between the two girls who didn’t get on that well, it was not a good a combo.
The Bride and I agreed that I would move the Bridesmaids to her mum’s room as she just needed some time to relax and absorb the experience rather than feeling like she was trying to herd cats - I sat with the Bride for a little while and just chatted, reassured her that everything was fine in the venue, everything was organised and going to plan, suppliers were present, the cake looked amazing and her hubby-to-be was very calm and excited to see her. At this point I handed her a gift and a card that he had asked me to pass onto her, I left her alone for this moment and returned a few minutes later. She had the BIGGEST smile on her face and felt a lot more composed, she was now excited rather than anxious and stressed! Yay!
I took some time with the Bridesmaids, explained to them that everything was in control and that they could just relax and enjoy the experience too but that the Bride just wanted some time alone (I think they knew they were not helping with her stress).
The Bride had the most amazing day and the best part was seeing the Bride dancing with her crew at the end of the night and in her words ‘I wouldn’t have changed a single thing’.
@srosinger3997 on Unsplash
My point is this, you will always choose the right people, you know your girls (or even guymaids) and you know which ones you want there to witness your big day with you. They may not all get along, they may disagree on the Bridesmaids dresses and ‘make’ you swap them 7 times before they’re all happy, they may even argue on the day, but… they are your squad and you love them beyond words. Ever watched Bridemaids? Happy endings despite a turbulent build up!
If you’re still a little stuck with who to choose, try following my handy 5 step rule below…
Speak to the family first, you need to establish out of your immediate relations who will be chosen to be MOH/Bridesmaid/Flower Girl etc
Time to be a bit selfish with your selection, just because you have known someone for 20 years (or if you were Bridemaid at the their wedding), does not quantify them being in your squad, you really need to knuckle down and establish your true friends here
Remember that each Bridesmaid will be given duties on the lead up and on the day itself, you LITERALLY need to trust these girls 100% with your planning process and wedding day
Speak to your Fiance, this may well be your choice about who to have on the day but, your Fiance will usually offer some practical, honest and thought provoking advice
Hire a Wedding Planner who will be able to have any awkward conversations with the family/wedding guests/bride/grooms party. Trust me, we are used to it and it takes so much pressure off from you
Once you’ve sorted the above, it’s time for the fun part of announcing who you have chosen. Just make sure you’ve got that Champagne on ice!
Good luck! I’d love to hear how you narrowed down your selection and any top tips you have…
Contact Hayley
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Wedding Guest Etiquette
How should you behave at someone’s wedding?
You knew they’d gotten engaged and in the back of your mind, you knew you’d get an invite to their wedding, after all, it’s not a party if you’re not there right?
Regardless of whether the couple have gone with a traditional wedding, there’s certain things that you must do as a guest, be that because it’s simply common courtesy or because you just can’t behave the same way you did on the Ibiza stag do (what happens in Ibiza *should never be repeated anywhere else, ever*…)
@kalvisuals
These useful tips may sound a bit harsh but trust me, having seen these things happen with my own eyes in my career as a Wedding Planner, it’s for your own good and you’ll thank me later. So yes… all of these horror stories have actually happened…
Invitations - the couple are already under a lot of pressure to get everything sorted in time. The last thing they need is to be chasing you for your RSVP
Don’t be offended if you didn’t get a +1 invite or an invite for the children. Weddings are expensive and this is the couples money, not yours
Food options and dietary requirements - the couple have given you a deadline date for a reason and of course the caterers will do what they can but you risk ‘getting what you’re given’ if you don’t reply on time. Also, don’t expect to turn up on the day and decide you’d ‘forgotten’ to let them know you suddenly turned Vegan last month
Don’t criticize - the couple have to make a lot of choices surrounding their wedding day, the last thing they need is negativity surrounding the decisions they made for special day, they’ve chosen them for a reason and whilst it may not be your cup of tea, it’s not your wedding day
Gifts - couples are more and more likely to ask for cash on their wedding day now and that is their prerogative. They are spending enough money on you attending so please honour their wishes and take point 3 into account but bear in mind, you don’t need to spend a lot if you are buying a gift, something homemade will probably mean more than something bought
Girls - do NOT wear white. It’s a well known fact you ‘cannot’ wear white to someone’s wedding (unless you want a death stare from the Bride!)
Bridesmaids - Don’t post a picture of the ‘beautiful bride’ in her dress, on her wedding day, BEFORE SHE’S EVEN WALKED DOWN THE AISLE!! No no no no no
Timekeeping - Do not be late! Coming from the mouth of experience (huge oopsie!), turning up late to a wedding is a huge no-no. Obviously there are some circumstances that cannot be avoided but either way, it does not look good if you are walking in as the couple are saying their vows (especially when it’s captured on video)
Spotlight - no matter what, under no circumstances should you use this platform to propose to your other half or announce a life changing event, this is not your day! (unless you have the approval from the happy couple!)
Behaviour - I’m all for people having fun at weddings, heck, twerk on the dance-floor if you must (I’m just jealous as I can’t do it) but… do not get so drunk that you become the talk of the day. It may be funny but there is a fine line between being drunk and showing up the happy couple - trust me, I have many horror stories about this one
Property - understand that if you cause damage to any property of the couples chosen venue, that this will be paid for by them. The last thing you need is to fall out with the couple because they are lumbered with a bill for damages you caused
Don’t try and seduce the brides mum (or dad!)… I don’t need to say any more on this matter
If you’re going to argue with your partner… leave it until you get home. It’s not the time of the place for negative vibes!
Last but not least. don’t forget to book a cab. The bride and groom will invite certain guests to stay at the venue, if you’re not on the accommodation list, they will not be pleased to find you sleeping on the sofa downstairs with a cushion as a blanket.
You’re welcome! Now…Enjoy the wedding!
Contact Hayley
@thomasw
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Wedding planning leaving you overwhelmed?
How do you stop getting so stressed out with your wedding planning?
Picture this, you are in a relationship. An amazing, happy, great relationship (despite their annoying habit of leaving the bathroom door open whilst they’re in there! - please tell me I’m not alone here…). You know you want to marry this lush human, because when you know, you know, right? You fantasize about your special day and have even set up a cheeky little private Pinterest board to start gathering ideas (and it looks sooooo pretty). Then one day, they pop the question! (Squeal!) Your dreams are becoming a reality and you can’t wait to get planning your big day! Everyone is so excited for you both!
So you google ‘How do I start planning my wedding’ and up pop 543,000,000 results. WHAT THE?! Each website tells you a different thing, one is telling you to buy your dress first, the other, sort the venue out. There’s a thousand downloadable spreadsheets so which one should you choose and you hear yourself saying ‘I’ve never done this before?!’. Then there’s the budget… you don’t have any money saved and have even talked about buying a house together recently so which one takes priority ?! (er, wedding btw) You start getting quotes and it all seem’s so expensive, how on earth are you going to afford this Pinterest perfect wedding day?! You don’t even know if you want to get married in this country, ah but Uncle Bob needs to be there and he doesn’t travel well and you won’t marry without him there, then the venue you’ve had your eye on won’t work because it doesn’t have a lift to accommodate your wheelchair bound cousin!! Your future mother-in-law keeps trying to convince you to up-cycle her wedding dress as it would' ‘mean so much’ to her but that’s not what you want, you’ve already got your eye on that Stella York dress you’ve fallen in love with (can’t she just BACK OFF, you mutter under your breath… this is OUR wedding day!).
Work is getting more and more demanding, social commitments are increasing, you’ve got an endless to-do list and it’s just relentless. Then comes the question from your friends (every SINGLE time you speak) ‘So, how’s the wedding planning going!?!’. You say calmly ‘Yeah fine, still a bit to sort but we’re getting there’ in reality, you’ve checked 7 of the 543,000,000 google search result, confirmed zero suppliers and actually the thought of sitting down and sorting something seems miles away and not something you envisage doing any time soon. Your other half is losing their patience as all you do is talk ‘wedding’ and now you’re getting frustrated with them because their not taking an interest in your beautiful, special and romantic day. Still, you smile and pretend everything is okay but you don’t want to be seen as ‘stressed out’ or unreasonable.
Ok firstly… stay calm. I’ve got you. It’s not your fault for getting overwhelmed, you’ve probably not done this before so if I asked you to go and do something you have no experience in, of course it’s going to be stressful, this is why we hire professionals to do the things we can’t do well ourselves, beauticians, chefs, pilots (a bit extreme but hey, I know I certainly can’t fly a plane!). Wedding Planning is NO different.
Here’s 5 quick tips to help you remain calm:
Respect the fact that some things are out of your control, don’t stress over it. Find a solution and move on
Take regular breaks with the planning process when you do start, it’s easy to spend a whole lunch break simply googling a local photographer (then you realise you didn’t eat your food and the stress starts all over again!)
Stop trying to appease everyone else. If you want someone’s opinion, you’ll ask for it (and don’t be afraid to tell them that, in a non aggressive way of course)
Don’t over stretch your budget. If the money is not there, it is not there. Unless you’re planning on getting a second job to help fund the wedding, don’t spend money you don’t have
Hire a wedding planner, easy solution, extremely effective problem solver and could even save you money!
After checking my testimonials, have a look at my services (aka problem solvers!) and let’s sit down, over a coffee and I’ll guide you through what you should and should’t be doing to ensure you have a blissful wedding planning adventure!! It really doesn’t need to be stressful, I promise.
Photo: D&A Photography
Contact Hayley