Grooms matter too

February 3, 2020 Clare Butler

What importance does a Groom have on a wedding day?

Men. Let’s face it, like it or not, Brides tend to get the spotlight when it comes to the big day, and if you ask me, I don’t think it’s fair (sorry ladies). If a marriage is seen as an equal partnership, then so should your journey be in the lead up to it and on the day itself (and of course afterwards).

Now I totally get it, some men are happy to not get involved and are satisfied with whatever the Bride wants, I’ve heard it a million times ‘as long as she is happy, then I am happy’.

Believe it or not, there is an increase in the number of Grooms taking the steering wheel when it comes to the planning and plenty of brides’s taking the back seat. But, what if you are in a same sex relationship where you’re both a groom, or the Groom of a Bride who does actually want to get involved with the planning?…

To get a couples opinion on the matter, I spoke to the wonderful couple Jay and Liam who got engaged on Christmas day, and I’ve loved following their wedding planning journey. Whilst their Instagram page is no longer active, their old blogs are so funny to read so make sure you check them out here, they’ve also featured on the ultimate wedding guide for LGBTQ+ couples G Wedding Directory…

On Christmas morning, I said yes to my new Fiance, Liam, and now we are two grooms planning our wedding together. We've found that the wedding industry is geared towards the bride, and the grooms are very often secondary. That's obviously in response to the fact that it is usually the bride attending the wedding fairs and doing the planning - but we don't have a bride. So we're sharing the planning reigns... and thankfully we have very similar preferences and ideas! I enjoy the wedding fairs and the brochures, so Liam leaves it to me to collate the ideas and gather the options. Then we work through and decide what we like best. We'll both be viewing our venue choices and making all of the decisions together, though Liam is in charge of the ceremony and the music and I'm in charge of the decorations and the finer details. So that's our plan; two grooms sharing the responsibilities and decision making. In our case, only the grooms matter!

Liam and Jay, Misters Who Marry

So Grooms, do you want to be involved in the Wedding Planning process?

Grab a pen and paper (or iPad if you’re not old school like me!)

Take an interest - sit down with a bottle (or glass if you don’t drink as much as I do!) of wine one night, no social media, no radio, no TV… go through the plans and ideas so far, don’t fake being interested, your Fiancé will be able to tell!
Get involved - express an interest in whatever element of the day that you would like to manage, it could be you want the responsibility of sourcing the entertainment, flowers or building something for the day (drinks station, welcome signs etc)
Take initiative - if your Fiancé comes across like he has it all in hand, I can assure you it will still be stressful at times for them and they would appreciate some help, especially from you. Do some research and offer to gather some quotes.
Compromise - You are not going to agree on every detail for the big day but it’s important you both compromise, the day is about you BOTH.
Be happy - if you don’t want to get involved but your Fiancé wants your assistance, just put a smile on your face, nothing ruins the happy engagement bubble like a groom-to-be with a face like a slapped fish!.

On the flip side, if you really don’t want to be involved and are sincerely, genuinely happy for your Fiancé to plan everything, just make sure you’re ready for whatever turns up on the wedding day, like a pink Unicorn dressed horse and a ‘Cinderella’ carriage to drive you around in whilst blasting out Celine Dion’s My Heart will Go On (unless you’re into that sort of thing…)

Let me know how you get on with your planning!

Contact Hayley